Communicative confusion

Communication is so much more than just the words we use. It’s so much more than body language. It’s so much more than tone and intonation, what we say and what we don’t say.

We did use the exact same words, you see. We used roughly the same body language, which is rare enough in itself. We even looked at each other and nodded in agreement. For a very long time I have been thinking that we did say the same thing.

But then there’s the aspect of culture, of tradition. I forgot about that. No, I’m not being honest. I did remember that, but I didn’t think it was an issue here. I thought, for a long time, that we belonged to the same culture in this perspective.

It turns out, I realised today, that was a huge mistake. While using the same words, on the same occasion, talking about the same thing, we were actually saying opposite things, without knowing it. While I intended to communicate ‘I’m not interested, thanks anyway’ she was intending to communicate ‘I would really like this, please ask me directly!’ And everybody thought she was saying the same thing I was.

On one level this is really cool. On another it’s really sad. On a third is horribly frustrating.

There’s also an important lesson for me here: do not take for granted that just because a person is using the same words you are he/she means the same thing.